I have a dream… Not a Martin Luther King style dream where everything’s going to be lovely - but a dream of terror, murder, intrigue, and pop-culture references. You see, I read these articles about dream theory where if your teeth fall out you’re stressing about money or something. And flying means something too - okay, so I haven’t read these articles thoroughly, but I am aware of their existence. And I got thinking… I don’t recall ever having a dream about flying, or teeth, or falling, or any of these other bog-standard dreamy type subjects. I want to know what my dream means.

Imagine, if you will, a field on a beautiful summer’s day. The sky’s blue, there are cows grazing peacefully, and somewhere up above a flock of seagulls are debating what the large terrifying spaceship crashing through the atmosphere with thunderous menace is doing. It’s invading Earth, obviously, and as it lands a door slides open and legions of Daleks march (well, sort of slide) out. They shoot the seagulls and vaporise the cows. Everybody runs screaming in terror through the streets (yeah, we’re now in a city - you know how these things happen in dreams) and lots of people are dying horribly. Somewhere in the crowd stands my primary school geography teacher. She has the face of an angel. Well, the face of an angel who’s face is contorted into a panic-stricken mess of absolute horror, of course. Daleks surround her and she is captured and taken aboard the spaceship which is clearly too big to fit into the street in which it’s parked (this happens a lot in dreams too).

There is only one thing I can do… I must sneak aboard the spaceship and rescue my geography teacher. I stop briefly to consider how it worked in Daleks’ Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. which this is cleary a bastardisation of, then run with a totally misguided sense of urgency up the ramp onto the ship.

On board, all is deathly quiet. We’re now speeding through space for some reason, the lights are all flickering and there are no Daleks anywhere to be seen. But there is an eerie noise that makes my skin go all pimply. Spooky huh? I creep around the corridors of the ship sweating openly from every pore on my body hoping to find my geography teacher. I round a corner and suddenly… There is a 50ft high green blob-monster in my path! It wobbles towards me and I turn and run (this is much more scary in my dream than it might sound here). I can hear it’s evil squelching motion as it chases me. I quickly dive into the male toilets (that they’d obviously have on a Dalek spaceship infested with huge green blob-monsters, right?) and lock the door to protect myself. I calm down, and start breathing more regularly. Everything’s going to be all right, I just need to find my geography teacher and get out. Then I look up. In the cubicle with me (don’t ask me how it fits) is the 50ft high blob-monster and it’s gaping razor-sharp teeth filled mouth-of-doom opens in front of me like a black hole tearing apart the Universe. I wake up.

So, dream psychologists. What’s that mean then? It’s been playing on my mind since I was about 9, and I’d like some closure please.

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