As you probably know from reading our blog (providing you’ve read the one blog post that references it) Lemmy&Binky are huge Lost fans. And we’re proud to reveal that we have figured out what is happening!

This post contains heavy spoilers, as our theory on what is happening in Lost HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY THE WRITERS!

So don’t read this post if you don’t want the rest of the series of Lost spoilt for you, as this is 100% accurate.

Dan, we said stop reading! We’re serious! And we know how much you hate spoilers!

Okay, here goes:

…

…

It turns out, after all, that the island that the show takes place is not actually an island. It is actually a cosmetics lab, and the castaways are actually mice who have been brainwashed into believing they are humans.

The plane is actually several cardboard loo roll holders sellotaped together, and flown onto the “island” by hand by one of the cosmetic scientists, making “bkkksss smassshhh crasssh” noises with his mouth, as a child might, to simulate the crash.

Locke’s paralysis was cured with stem cell research and it turns out he also has a huge ear on his back, but no one can see it because they’ve all got little mouse-sized virtual reality helmets on and he’s got a padded mouse t-shirt on too.

So who are The Others? Well it’s simple. They’re time-travelling Mormons, who accidentally shrunk themselves by time travelling to the future when the sun was a black hole, and getting all compressed. This is why they are after little mouse children (like Walt… ‘Walt Disney’ big clue! Seems so obvious now, doesn’t it!) as they need the child mouse ears to power their “bigulation device” to make them normal size again.

The remains of the stone statue with the four toes is actually a He-Man action figure belonging to one of the scientists that got mauled by a dog 19 years before the events of the show take place. That dog’s memories were then implanted into one of the mice, to make him think he was a dog, and that explains Vincent.

What about one of the biggest mysteries of the show–the monster? We can exclusively reveal that the monster is actually a genetically modified squirrel. The reason it looks like black smoke is that it’s from the Marlboro testing labs next door. It’s a smoking squirrel! All makes sense now, don’t it? Oh, and the polar bears are NOT polar bears. They’re hamsters that have been painted white and injected with polar bear hormones.

So if they are all mice, what’s with all the back-stories? Simple. None of the back-stories are real, they’re spliced together episodes of Party of Five that were fed straight into their little mouse brains with wire diodes.

But then the animal testing lab was invaded by aliens! Oh noes! The aliens then took the testing lab to space, and put the scientists into the virtual reality system to say sorry to the mice in person. But the scientists were not allowed to tell them directly, and were only able to by spelling words in the stars like dot-to dot-puzzles.

And what’s the deal with the electromagnetic thing in the hatch? It’s a fridge magnet saying “I love Spain” that is glued to an alien digital wrist watch.

In the last episode, Locke manages to remember his past as a dormouse after finding the Others consignment of cheese, and becomes like Neo in the Matrix. He burns a hole in the side of the cage with laser eyes, and goes scurrying around the floor of the alien spacecraft, while the aliens lift up sofas and beds and things with a Tupperware container trying to catch him before he nibbles on any electrical wires, which he does and the spaceship crashes… on an island!

There you have it!

Watch, and you’ll see how right we were!

Popularity: 10% [?]

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007 at 3:07 pm and is filed under TV. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.