Welcome friend, to a place of wonder and mystery! A world where quite literally anything is possible! Goblins and evil space folk dance gayly in the nether-regions of your mind in this spooktastic new feature on Lemmy&Binky!

Are there alien space ports on the dark side of the moon? Of course there are, stupid!

Is there a perfectly formed 10 mile square face of an alien tribesman on the surface of the mars? Why, yes! Yes, there is!

Do aliens exist amongst us? And probe us with little tools when we’re queuing up to pay our council tax? Most definitely!

In this edition of L&BMotU, we explore the secrets in the now infamous “stomping alien” photographed in 2004 by the mars explorer Spirit. Is this proof of extra-terrestrial intelligence? Are there strange man-beasts wandering the red sands of the mars?

The answer is, objectively, OF COURSE THERE ARE!!!!

And we can prove it too! With the power of Lemmy&Binky patented image enhancement technology, we’ll try to improve the fidelity of the image so that we can answer the question that rages across the Interweb once and for all:

Man-Eating-Mars-Monster or Small-Weird-Shaped-Pebble?

First we will look at the original, un-improvinated image. In case you’re too stupid to see the “obviously a strolling alien being” part of the image, we’ve circled it.

Convinced yet? You should be!

But thanks to modern computer imaging techniques, we are capable of improving the image so as to more easily see the creeping creature. Using special “pixel-enlarging” algorithms, we are able to increase the size of each pixel comprising the Man-Eating-Mars-Monster to see it more clearly:

 

Convinced yet? You should be!

Spooky! As you can see from the “enlarginated” image, the Man-Munching Beast of Gusev Crater has one arm extended forwards in mid-stride, and is clearly nonchalantly glancing over toward the mars explorer. We can see the shape of its right leg clearly as he wanders along looking for mars biscuits or whatever he eats (besides peoples!)

Let’s “enlarginate” on the face a little more, see if we can’t determine if that is genuinely a face and not merely a bit o’ mars grit.

 

Convinced yet? You should be!

It’s hard to tell at this stage. The darkened areas around the top and left of the “head-mass” could possibly be some kind of martian hair-piece, or just a bit of shadow? Also what look like dark cavities where man-spying eye holes could possibly go? I guess we’ll never know!

But wait! There are still a few L&B image “improvination” techniques which may yield us some answers, and sort this whole debate out once and for all! By doing a “tri-pass interpolation and guesstimation processing” on it. This will basically shrink the size of the pixels, and add details we didn’t know were there!

In the first pass, this is the results we get:

 

 

Convinced yet? You should be!

Positively ghoulish! We can see the details of this creature much more clearly now. Anyone who disregards this as real evidence of extra-terrestrial mars shenanigans is clearly a fool now! We’re starting to make out details that could be a nose of some description, and the dark “eye” regions are coming through a lot clearer. Also, is that an ear? The answer is clearly: DEFFO!

Let’s go to pass #2:

 

Convinced yet? You should be!

Okay, this is starting to actually freak us out now. We were just trying to have a joke at what we thought was clearly not an alien, but after a second pass we can clearly see a mouth, and even the whites of the eyes! This is scary! We’re not even sure we dare run the third pass!

 

Crumbs!

Well that’s a turn up for the books! It would appear that the Man-Eating-Mars-Monster of Gusev Crater is none other than British National Lottery host, Dale Winton!

Argue with that, internet sceptics!

We hope these extraordinary findings will lead to a thorough investigation by Nasa. What is Dale doing wandering the surface of the mars exactly? The public deserve the truth!

So that’s it, really! Join us again next time, when we discover the secrets of the pyramids, and if aliens did actually build them or not (which the answer, obviously, is YES THEY DID!)

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 24th, 2008 at 1:39 pm and is filed under mysteries. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.