It’s time for another edition of the Lemmy&Binky Podcast! This time we take time to speak to Lionhead top brass, Sir Peter Molyneux, from his “Floating Fortress of Destruction”! In the interview, he discusses the legendary Fable, as well as touching on some more personal topics.

What a lovely bloke!

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For our second “indieview”, we’re excited to have unflappable seer of truth and justice, Jack Thompson of Thompsonsquire. In case you don’t know who he is, he’s that brilliant comedy character that has been turning up in web-comics right across the internet. Imagine our surprise when it turned out to be a real person!

We’ve been reading his stuff, and he clearly knows what he’s talking about! This is the brave warrior against all that is evil in the world (violent video games, obviously) and his never-ending quest to bring down child-corrupting evil empires like id software and Rockstar North.

We salute you, Jack Thompson! Tell us how it really is!

L&B: Hi Jack! Thank you for joining us! So, tell us how video games cause violence?

JT: Well, to determine the link between violent video games and murderous psychosis, there have been many extensive studies performed on groups of hippies. We made them play a game called Gibbage, created by some murderer-lover called Marshadillo Dondanshell. After 10 minutes of playing they began to show some homicidal tendencies, mainly pulling on each others hair. After 30 minutes of game-play the group began to eat each other’s eyes out, and torture rats with acid. After 2 hours of exposure, every single one of them had begun constructing orbital weapon platforms, with aspirations of galactic domination.

L&B: Couldn’t that just be coincidence?

JT: No! The problem is that gamers seem to blindly defend violent video games without even looking into the facts! For example, did you know that Hitler played violent video games?

L&B: Hitler? Wow! That explains a lot, huh?

JT: Yes indeed! The fact is we have strong evidence to suggest that US Marines found several copies of Doom and Super Columbine Massacre RPG in Hitler’s bunker shortly after the fall of the Third Reich. This evidence is in addition to sections of his Nuremberg address, where he can clearly be heard saying “GTA: Vice City is the shit, man!” and “I got me a score of 12 on Manhunt!”. This is stone cold FACT that anyone can find out by reading things I say in interviews.

L&B: So are you saying that Hitler wasn’t mentally unhinged in any way before playing games?

JT: Exactly! We can see from looking at official records that, before he began playing these vile “murder simulators”, he was a compassionate, well adjusted and friendly guy who regularly got invited to parties and asked to baby sit friends’ small children. He even had quite a stylish moustache that looked a little bit like a Fu Manchu!

L&B: So violent video games caused World War II, then?

JT: Of course! He was a vegetarian painter! What could possibly turn a friendly, animal loving, vegetarian painter into a genocidal maniac? Surely playing on a video game for a few hours is the only thing that could have this profound an effect on someone’s mind? The fact is this conclusively proves that every act of violence committed since the dawn of our species can be blamed on these sick video game “murder simulators”.

L&B: So what about the Mongol invasions?

JT: Errr… Counterstrike.

L&B: Ahhh. Of course… Well who can argue with that?

JT: Indeed! The fact is, an independent study conclusively proves that anybody who disagrees with me plays violent video games, and is therefore a murderer. Who can trust a murderer? No one, that’s who!

Man, I’m so obviously right about every single thing I say!

L&B: You are that, Jack my friend, you are that! So what’s next in
the exciting world of video-game fascism?

JT: Well, I’m currently working on a case to prove that Mario causes gayness.

L&B: Wow! Can we have your autograph?

JT: Racist!

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Welcome deer readers! (and other assorted mammals that might also happen to be reading). You are lucky enough to join us after an extended hiatus with an exciting new regular feature on the site!

In the Lemmy&Binky Indieviews we will quiz the greatest minds of our generation on their most loved and most hated indie games, how much they like a quick game of Cake Mania before tea, and exactly how many copies of Gibbage they have bought.

Joining us for our first Indieview is renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, who has taken some time out from his busy schedule of talking about black holes and reading Penny Arcade to join us for a chat about the indie gaming scene. What a lovely bloke!

L&B: Thanks for joining us Prof. Hawking! So with all your thinking about science and that, we can imagine you don’t get much time for playing indie games?

Stephen Hawking: Hi Lemmy&Binky, thanks for your recent email which you sent to Prof. Stephen Hawking- Stephen would be happy to contribute an interview to your site but unfortunately he is away at a conference at the moment - please feel free to send your questions to me and I will ensure Stephen answers them when he returns. Best regards Cathy

L&B: So what do you think of Gibbage? A great game, isn’t it?

Stephen Hawking: Hello Lemmy&Binky, I’m afraid Prof. Hawking will be away from the office until the 26th of March so it would be best if you sent us a complete copy of your questions so he can tackle them all when he returns from his trip. Best regards Cathy.

L&B: Well we haven’t had a post on our site for a while now, and we don’t really want to wait until the 26th if at all possible. Isn’t there any way you could get a copy of the questions over to him?

Stephen Hawking: I’m afraid he is unlikely to have the time to particapate in your interview until he gets back. May I ask what this interview is actually regarding?

L&B: the interview will be mainly about the indie scene, though we will stick in a couple of spacey questions in there to give Prof. Hawking a chance to plug his own stuff, any new books he has out or whatever. Sound good?

Stephen Hawking: I’m not sure I understand what this “indie scene” is that you mention, is this something relating to Stephen’s professional work at all?

L&B: Well not really. We tried to get Peter Molyneux but he wouldn’t answer our e-mails.

Stephen Hawking: Please refrain from e-mailing us any more regarding this matter. I will send Stephen a copy of this email thread when he returns, and if he wishes to participate in an interview you will hear from him then. Regards Cathy.

So there you have it! When he’s not he’s not mulling over space-time, Prof. Hawking likes nothing more than going to conferences… of some description. He also has a PA called Cathy, though she may be his publicist. Or wife. Or something. You heard it here first, in the Lemmy&Binky Indieview!

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