Well guys, gals and other assorted genders, it’s been an all action time in development of The Forgotten Element. Since the incident with the coding monkeys and that faulty plug socket, the pressure has been on both of us to do some bloody work ourselves, so we’ve been slogging it out non-stop ever since, not taking even a second to relax.

Progress? Well, there’s been loads!

For example, we noticed that Mia looked a bit silly walking in diagonals since she only had the four direction walk cycles, so we promptly set about adding diagonal walk cycles to make sure her walk would be as natural as possible, given you see a lot of her walking in the game. We now have nigh on 400 frames of animation for Mia alone, and still many more to do. One thing that is very important to us is finding out what will happen to the Battlestar Galactica crew when they get caught by the Cylons, and if Adama keeps his moustache…

Where was I? Oh yes, we’ve also been working on a parser so that conversations and cut-scenes (using the patented and quite funky Elemental Conversation System) can be written in nice and simple TV script-like formatting. This works really well and has certainly speeded up the scripting process no end, and our only real concern now is that since Locke didn’t push the button, he, along with Desmond and Mr. Eko, might be in pretty bad shape (if not worse!) but hopefully everything will turn out okay!

Okay. Hopefully.

What else?

Well, scripting the actual game is going pretty well too. We now guestimate we have approx 75% of the prologue playable throughable, though some placeholder locations and Guybrushes a-plenty still inhabit Seahorse Island. Nikolas has also put together some cracking musical treats along with, quite literally, cracking thunder and rain in the mix. To do this some justice we’ve added a lightning overlay effect that syncs up to his thunder, and it all looks (and sounds, obviously) pretty funky. Now to get those particle effects finished for the rain!

Oh, and we also now know exactly what was in the Dead Man’s Chest.

So yes, non-stop work on The Forgotten Element…

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As hype for our up-coming adventure game, The Forgotten Element, spreads exponentially across the globe it was only a matter of time before one of our many fans made some sort of spin-off product. So it came as no great surprise to find out that one of our characters has been adapated into his very-own (critically acclaimed) T.V. series!

Yes, it’s true folks! It would appear that said fan has turned out to be non-other than the World-famous time-travelling best-selling author, Michael Crichton, who has developed a substantial medical drama for Seahorse Island’s very own Doctor Carter!

Unfortunately, Mr Crichton was unavailable for comment but what we reckon he would have said was, “I was very impressed by the character of Doctor Carter in the Forgotten Element when I downloaded the demo later this year. I immediately leaped upon the concept of developing an entire T.V series based around him (although set in America) and luckily the day before, I found a time-machine in my back garden.”

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Since this is a day for airing great travesties, here is perhaps the most dreadful thing that has been carried out by the mind of man since… well, since that really bad thing that happened a while back (you know, that really bad one) This story of debauchery began when my old and dear friend Mr. VHS departed this mortal coil a few months back, leaving us without all our dear beloved TV shows and such to give us an excuse not to work on Forgotten Element (and we’d never download anything ‘cause we’re nice like that)

So I was walking around the DVD section in [insert believable shop name here] the other day when some lovely DVD boxes came into view. Red Dwarf! Oh how we’ve missed thee!

Without a moments hesitation we snaffled up all six series (because, of course, there were only EVER six series of Red Dwarf. That’s the truth, and anyone who says otherwise better carry a knife, that’s all I’m saying)

Like little kids at Christmas (little kids on speed, after eating all their fizzy Christmas sweets, in fact) we rushed back to the Fortress of Destruction… Did I say Fortress of Destruction? I do of course mean the flat. We slid the first disc into my unmodded XBox, and eagerly flipped on the power with huge expectant grins on our faces.

What we were subjected to next truly is the stuff of horror stories. A few choice phrases that were uttered within the first five minutes may give you an idea of the full depravity of what we witnessed:

“What the hell is that? It looks like a bright red CG cock!”

“What’s the deal with all the fuzzy electric sound effects? I can’t hear the damn jokes!”

“Hang on a minute! These aren’t even good special effects! The 80s one you had in before was better!”

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHY?!?!”

It appears, dear readers, that somehow (don’t ask me how) George Lucas has gotten his hands on our beloved space sitcom, Red Dwarf! And like Star Wars, E.T, and all the rest of them… he just couldn’t leave it be.

He’s turned it into something else… something… wrong… something too terrible to imagine!

Why? It wasn’t meant to be some high budget sci-fi flick! It’s a fecking sitcom! So why exactly have we got CG skutters roaming about in the foreground, stupid and utterly pointless CG tunnel chase scenes, and added post-production audio effects that make half the jokes inaudible? I half expected Kryten to walk in and say: “Me-sah Jar Jar!!!”

The worst thing is it would appear you can’t even buy the original, un-bolloxed versions any more!

That bastard Lucas! Rob Grant and Doug Naylor go to all that effort to make a fantastic and timeless comedy set in space, and you’ve gone and buggered it all up! Cheers George, nice one!

What’s next? Are we going to see Basil Fawlty smacking the crap out of a CG Ewok from Barcelona? You fiddling bastard!

In response Lemmy&Binky are proud to have set up the Lucaswatch scheme.

Have you spotted George Lucas leafing through your home movie collection in the dead of the night, maybe browsing the comedy section of your local HMV, or perhaps even breaking into your production studio and helping himself to your post-production room? If so, contact us immediately and we will be sure to report his whereabouts in our efforts to protect other people’s creative works! George Lucas MUST be stopped before it is too late!

We will try, but we will need your help!

Help us kill George Lucas today! Did I say kill? I do of course mean kill.

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